Part one

Life takes on different feelings and thoughts throughout ones lifetime. As children of the mundane, we tend to compare ourselves to the mundane. Our eyes, deceive us and keep us enthralled by illusions. After one attains, this cowl is removed, allowing us see just how fucked up the world actually is. Magick becomes a meditation, and will becomes being.

Soon after what is called the abyss had transpired, I was left in a strange ennui. I had been under the impression, that the threefold journey of the adept was an internal one. This misconception left me in pain much longer than it should have. I felt ripped off, and after loosing literally everything I owned, I had to create a new image. This was not a conscious choice, attainment demanded it.

Coupled with the knowledge that magick didn’t exist, because what we call magick is simply coining a phrase for something else, I was in a bad place. All the magick books were lies. Likewise, where I had previously thought I would be some kind of enlightened peaceful being, left me with the truth that I was a homeless freak. I did prepare for this, Acad went through the same thing last Aeon. Nevertheless, it still sucks.

Likewise, what one is before 7°=4□ is nothing like what is after. Though personality maybe similar, one should and will be in conflict with oneself. Taking the next step requires the annihilation of self (ego). There was only one path out of the abyss for me. I had to die. On a side note, my name disappeared, any instance of the person I was before was gone. It was a long slow burn until the final rite and when it happened it was sudden and absolute.

Just as the rite was completed everything opened up. The world was no longer mundane. The tree of life was an allegory, and patterns within patterns became so evident that checking every thought and action was necessary. Salvation, redemption and ransom became the spiritual law. Gnosis began to flow in and everything else became an undeniable lie.

What my teachers did not tell me, was that this universal view puts you violently out of sync with the world around you. They didn’t tell me (until just recently), that at that point you are the self actualizing creator of your fate. There is no karma the only person you have to blame is yourself. There is no forgiveness for your sin, because, you are expected to know in the first place. You are wholly responsible for yourself in a way that sets you apart.

Now, I have been living in the world of the insane. There is no reason, no logic, no reality. Sure, I effect change on a daily basis, yet for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Change feels more like the seven of swords than the two of cups. Sometimes, I imagine I am fighting against the entirety of humankind. What had been a battle for your salvation from yourselves is now a battle for survival.

There was never a secret order of light to help, because I am peerless. There are only others out there floating as solitary pillars of silence just like me. If those adepts I knew long ago still feel their humanity I would be surprised. Being more human than human isn’t all you think it is when you are just human.

In the end we have destroyed your world trying to save ourselves.

Author: 2701

You life is lie, so why should I pay attention to you.

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